Artemis Fowl II and a half
by Lillythemarshmellowqueen
Summary: So he was the most annoying,selfish,ego-centiric person I'd ever had the unfortune to meet.But were still connected right? Plus he's in love and has no clue!What can I do but help him, even when he's so damn condecending, oh and wants me dead.Eventual AH
1. Prologue

Hey, I'm Missy. I have black raven black hair and blue eyes and look nothing like my Mam. I look like my dad or so Mam used to say before she died. But see the only thing I know about daddy dearest is that his name is Artemis. So I find him, and when I finally get to his bloody house out in the middle of nowhere, why is it that the front door is is opened by…me!!

**Artemis Fowl II (and a half)**

**Prologue**

Black. So black they didn't belong on a persons head but on a raven. But there it was, I could clearly see it, his hair color. And one eye was blue, electrifying, intelligent familiar. The other was a curious nutty hazel. The skin was pallid and frown lines appeared on his forehead as he scrutinized me with the same frown I knew was lighting my own face. The stranger stood in the door way. Legs apart, one hand on the door frame as if barring me from entering.

In short I was staring as … me. Excluding the hazel eye.

A toddlers head poked out from behind the other _me's_ leg. The child stared and me then back to the stranger in the door way.

"Artemis!" he exclaimed to the_ other me._

And then "Look there you are!" while pointing to me.

Weakly I opened my mouth to reply.

"Here… I am….."

--

**Lilly: well that went well!**

**Laurry: Not…….**

**Lilly: Well It's only a prologue child what did you expect??**

**Laurry: A bit more??**

**Lilly: Meh...**

**Laurry: Do tell if you want us to continue… this fic is after all just a whim…**

**Lilly: And no she is not his daughter…. Or whatever else you may be thinking….. it's actually quite different… like parallel world different.. like aliens different like creamy puff pastry-**

**Laurry: I think they get the picture……..**

**Lilly: Review? Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 1 : I'm Missy

Here's the part where I introduce my self and let you know exactly what the hell is going on! Hec! I'd like to know that myself but… this wont do will it?

**Chapter 1 : I'm Missy**

**Somewhere between Fowl Manor and Dublin City.**

So, I'm Missy or better yet Artemis, see ArteMIS… Missy…. Get it? Anyway… I was named by my Mam, Rosie O'Shea. See what a nice Irish name, how very unlike Artemis? And she was oh-so Irish. What with her auburn hair and lovely brown eyes and when she smiled everything was right with the world. I should add in something about ponies' right? To complete the picture?

Don't get me wrong I loved the woman to bits. She was my mother, the epitome of all that is good in the world but that's how she was. Smiling all the bloody time! Being a single parent in a city like Dublin and still smiling all the time, she was something alright. If naming your illegitimate child from a one-night-stand the same name as the guy you shared the one-night-stand with counts for anything?

Never mind the fact that she never told her daughter a thing about her father except for a name. But then I'm going off topic right?

So when I was fourteen and having the time of my life avoiding house call from the omnipresent social services, what does she do but go and get a cold, middle of July and everything… I told her not to go to work, take a day off, I said. But Nooo! The woman could not be stopped. She went to work, collapsed and ended up in hospital. She was in and out of hospital for the next few months and with her "oh it's just a cold Missy!" attitude it got worse and worse and worse.

After Christmas of my third year in secondary school, she was gone. She died on the 27 of December. The day after Boxing Day. Just collapsed right there in the kitchen mid-way through a lecture telling me to come out of my room once in a while. It was a regular occurrence, her collapsing like that, I was always panicked. Always thinking "It's the last time." For once I was right.

Sometimes I wondered whether she was actually hoping it would happen, I don't doubt she was tired of her life. She knew I was smart I could handle myself. Or maybe she didn't want it at all, maybe she really did want to grow old watching me grow up. In either case in the end it wasn't up to either of us.

I paid for the funeral expenses with the emergency cash. It was a small practical affair like she would want it, outside. Me, some neighbors, Jerry and a friend or two.

Jerry was her on-off boyfriend.

Then I was handed around those damned social services for a while, till I turned fifteen and completed the Junior Certificate.

June 16th, they handed me that letter and turned my already fragile but mending world upside down.

Suddenly I was no longer Missy O'Shea the oddity of a child, acting like a boy and spending all her time locked up in her room. Oh no. Suddenly I was Artemis… Artemis Fowl. Daughter of some rich geezer. How did that happen?

Seven days I spent mopping, seven days wondering what I did wrong in life? Why my own mother did this to me. Once the week was over I decided not be a total wimp and leave it up to my imagination, I wanted to know.

I got all my cash together, packed my back pack, and stuffed a few change of clothes into my duffel bag. I caught the first bus to the town nearest the address in Mam's letter.

And boy was it some address!

The place was Giant!! And all that security! If at that moment in time I wasn't already impervious to almost all things, I would have had the ba-jeepers scared outta me.

Well there it is. That's how I ended up standing in front of the Fowl Manor staring as the myself with the mismatched eyes.

--

**Lilly: Well there you have it…. No she is not a Mary-Sue… If that's what your thinking… because I despise Mary-Sue's….. She is if anything the villain… well sort of… all shall be made clear ( sort of) once I update…. Which shan't be for a while yet as I want to get the details right and it'll take a while to get a hold of the Artemis Fowl books….**

**Laurry: Me thinks that the next few chapter will mostly be in Missy's POV till we get a handle on the plot and focus on the AxHness…**

**Lilly: Untill next time… my dear confused readers…..**

**Laurry: Ja ne… review and let us know when to stop.**


	3. Chapter 2 : Two's a company

_Sometimes I really wonder why my life sucks so much… then I blame Artemis for being such ambiguous God…._

**Chapter 2: Two's a Company**

**Fowl Manor**

**Normal POV**

"Here I am…" the girl said.

'_How very interesting, it seems I'm looking at my self.' _though boy genius Artemis Fowl as he stared at the girl standing at the door.

So far he'd only been looking at the face. It was an almost exact replica of his with the exception of a slight softness about it. Hence a look downward to confirm a gender, and when he did look down Artemis had to take in the whole attire. Faded jeans, cut off for one leg at the thigh, replaced by a bright pink net tight. The rest of her limbs were covered in similar luminous if not clashing fabric, her green shirt screamed "Kiss me I'm Irish!" while her shoes which were florescent yellow made ones eyes water if stared at for too long.

Artemis noticed all this and her black hair cut as short as his and filed it away, labeling her as "A complete teenager of the Rock Generation."

But he could not decide whether she was Artemis Fowl from another dimension or a successful clone at the hands of the paranoid centaur Foaly. He was saved from thinking of anymore explanations when she said "So... are we gonna continue this staring match inside or out here?" Then he heard his mother approaching.

**Missy POV**

Filthy Rich Pretty Boy.

On second thought, weak as a newborn kitten.

Jeez was this guy for real? He hadn't said a word yet and I was getting sick of the country smell, I wanted in now!

See, I'm a city girl. You put me into a room of Carbon monoxide fumes I'll gladly take it; I'll _excel_ in the toxic atmosphere. But I can not, will not stand the stench of slurry rising off the surrounding fields, it makes me nauseous.

He was still silent; this guy isn't really Mr. Polite is he? He wore black trousers, designer I imagine, and a pale blue shirt. His loafers I knew cost a pretty penny too, having drooled over a similar pair in a shop window at O'Connell Street.

"Arty?" I heard a woman call from inside. Oh so his name was Arty! Snicker… what a rip off… I was expecting something like Paris, or Eugene… maybe Princeton… but Arty? Snicker snicker…

He cringed visibly at the sound of his name and I could hear her walk nearer.

"Arty? Who's there?"

Arty…. It still didn't click for me…

The toddler at his side stared at me his lips slightly pouting. I would be lying if I said he wasn't one of the most adorable things I'd ever seen. I think it was the blonde curls or maybe the cherubic face.

I just wanted to cuddle him. And I don't cuddle. Anyone.

She finally came a paint brush in her hand; I noticed smudges of paint on the toddlers' hands. She looked at _him _then the toddler. Another identical little boy was holding on to the end of her dress. What was up with this _place _and identical people?!

But the picture they created was still something out of a happily ever after story. She was obviously the sweet natured, beautiful mother. _He _was older son and the twins were the wonder children. They'd been painting together. Kinda made a person feel like shit. I was ruining there lives I just knew it. What I didn't know until much later was exactly how….

She looked at me then and I noticed her pretty blue eyes, the motherly expression in them and I just wanted to curl up on the ground right there and weep for the unfairness of it all. Of course I didn't because at that moment her mouth popped open into a little 'O' of surprise. It took her a while to regain her speech but when she did, eyes wide she asked,

"Arty? Have you been completely honest with me?"

**Normal POV**

Angeline Fowl was surprised to say the least if not completely confused, when a girl who resembled her son completely stared right back at her.

"Mother," Artemis said slowly, not taking his eyes of her.

"I've been perhaps more honest then I though I would but at this, I'm just as surprised as you."

Mother and son looked at each other for a while before Missy cleared her throat loudly and said, "I'm right he ya know?"

At this Angeline Fowl finally remembered her self and her gracious personality took over.

"Please come in." she said a little hurriedly pulling Artemis aside. She led them through a dark corridor to a formal looking parlor. On the way there all was silent and Missy quietly followed. A suit of armor stood on a small pedestal, she glanced at it warily thinking 'Some beating that one had…'

Artemis too followed his mother walking behind Missy examining her to see if she displayed any signs of being a fake. The girl in question felt Goosebumps as Artemis did this but she didn't turn as was her urge.

When they reached the parlor Missy's eyes widened looking around her.

"Please have a seat...?" Angeline said anxiously. "Um..?"

"Missy call me Missy…." She said perching her self on the edge of a tan leather sofa. Beckett took this as a sign to plop his behind on the big and soft Persian carpet. There was an awkward pause and Angeline slightly confused and flustered blankly stared at Missy. Then with a little gasp of "Drinks!" she rushed from the room.

The Boy and the Girl stared at each other.

Then Myles asked the most obvious but hard to approach question "Why are there two Artemises?"

"Yes… Actually, I wonder that too? "Artemis wondered aloud.

Missy blinked confusedly looking from the little baby genius to the older boy genius. A person with less than normal common sense would have felt completely out of there dept and stunned with the situation but Missy being a person with very little common sense boldly faced it head on.

"Hey I only came here looking for someone? I don't know why I look like him or why you know my name!"

"And who is it you're looking for?"

"Well...eh… um... an... Artemis Fowl??" she asked raising her eyebrows at him questioningly.

"You're looking at him." The boy answered calmly.

Missy sucked in a huge breath and her eyes bugged out before she let it out. Smiling now she said simply "No."

Then she gave a laugh that was bordering on hysteria.

"No… No you couldn't be…. She the guy I'm looking for… is…. Old… **Really OLD!** Like my Fathers age old… actually he is... kinda my father…" she laughed again.

Now it was Artemis's turn to be shocked. "You're what?" he asked with some degree of suspicion.

But Missy was beyond hearing him; she had begun to talk altogether too fast.

"The only way you **could **be Fowl is if you'd been frozen in a block of ice from the last fifteen years!! Which would explain the brown eye and weird hair but then you should still be like twenty or thirty!! I'm sure me Mam was no Pedo. But then you could be lying- although I don't really see why?? Oh but the nice lady did call you Arty! Oh my god my supposed father lives with his Mom! Hm… then you _are_ Artemis… Arty… I wonder why Mam never called _me_ Arty… but then I'm not very artistic… are you? I think you are! You look like you'd be good at drawing! I'm really good at talking non-stop when I'm nervous or stressed or upset and right now I'm all of those things because a guy who's my age could possibly be my father!!" She finished dramatically or paused for breath.

"My father's name is also Artemis, Artemis Fowl Senior." Artemis said quickly fearing she would start up again.

Missy froze then looked at him. Her mouth opened slightly, only barely comprehending the reality of what he had said and the reason why they looked so alike. Artemis had come to the same astonishing conclusion.

"Oh." Was the first word out of her mouth and then.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" and she stood up.

"But that means that I- that you- that we- I'm not really sure what that means…"

Artemis for once was speechless. It what this look alike said was true then so much that he knew was lies. His whole life would be shaken at the foundations. He refused to believe it. He couldn't he wouldn't.

Yet what if it was?

* * *

**DUN-DUN DUN!**

**Lilly: OMIGASH! CLIFFIE!! **

**Laurry: yay….' whippy….**

**Lilly: I know I know I'm late! And that wasn't the best chapter either… Artemis is one tough nut… how does Colfer write his POV?? Talking of the dear author I live in the same country as him… something I realized just recently! I can STALK him!! **

**Laurry: Yay…… sorry for any errors... Lilly had be working on her homework all day... an di just an soo tired (yawn)**

**Lilly: Review and maybe i will update soon! pretty please... **


	4. Chapter 3 : Three's a Crowd

_Embarrassing, uncomfortable, unpleasant, delicate,__ tense and edgy all words I can use to describe the situation but I'll just say awkward. _

**Chapter 3: Three's a crowd**

**Fowl Manor**

**Missy POV**

Her name was Angeline, mother of three, wife of my father and she was sitting across from me with out a clue.

As soon as she'd come back Arty who had been frowning made her sit down and then asked me to explain.

I could only stare at her. What could I say? Hey I'm your husbands' bastard!

Yeah I'm sure I'd be welcomed with open arms…

And who did this guy think he was ordering _me _to explain!! I was a whorl of confused protoplasm at this point! Things need to be explained to me!

But then for whatever reason, maybe it was her big blue eyes again, I found my self explaining to her who I was. I told her about me, about Mam, how she was a single parent. And as I did somehow I came to terms with what I had just discovered about my parents.

She stared at me then, not completely comprehending. Then I came to the part about Mam dieing and she gasped.

"Oh you poor dear…"

'Oh you deceitful witch get out of my house!' is what she should have said because I couldn't stop what happened next.

"She left a letter explaining who my father was."

Her eyes widened in confusion as I pulled out the crumpled letter from a pocket. At that moment there was just me and her in the world.

"His name is Artemis Fowl"

Maybe I was getting some sort of revenge for all those years alone or maybe I was just cruel. As soon as the paper passed from my hand to hers it was like a light bulb went off in my head.

She stared at me for a whole twenty seconds before silently mouthing a "No."

I hadn't even seen my father yet but some how it had settled and I was completely clear on who I was. The similarity between me and Arty was uncanny.

I knew who I was but that didn't mean I was happy about it.

"I'm sorry…" I said silently not even daring to look at them. What a coward, I'm sorry… lamest apology, ever.

"I'm sorry for this, look maybe I'll just go… or something…"

I stood up. I didn't want this. I didn't want to ruin there lives, well not hers anyway… I just wanted to figure out who I was.

Yeah I'd sort of been expecting some old guy who'd give me annual funds for education and that. I didn't think. I didn't know, that he would have a family, children. Even I don't have _that_ much of an overactive imagination.

Mam loved me because I was hers but then I never could escape that fact that I was a unwanted, a mistake that ruined her life. Now I was ruining theirs. Total strangers. My only kin. Man I was on a roll!

I had to do something? But in the end I couldn't because _he_ stopped me. Artemis… that just weird. Arty he looked and me with such a piercing gaze as I stood up. I felt paralyzed.

"Please don't go just yet." Angeline said in a slightly choked voice. "Let my husband come home. We'll sort this out" Then she looked back at the letter as if willing it not to exist.

Arty stood there glaring at me for a moment, daring me to go and silently asking me to stay. He was one confusing dude…boy…guy… arg! Person! …weirdo… stop staring at me now… Another moment passed and then he started pacing. No seriously pacing! Who does that anymore??

I sat back down because the truth is I couldn't really go. However much I wanted to I couldn't just leave now. I'd brought this into their lives. This horrible truth. I had to stick with the outcome…

So Arty kept up this pacing behind his mothers seat and she just kept reading the letter over and over. The mood had been pretty tense so far but then the awkwardness kicked in.

Okay now, staring at people to freak them out is a bit of a hobby for me. Hey it's fun! I enjoy it immensely but this was just plain crazy.

Very once in a while he would stop pacing, stare at me and all I did was stare back. We'd both stare for a while then he'd start pacing again and I'd go back to looking at my shoes. I'd drawn little stick men on the white of my converse but they began to look dull after ten minutes. Stick men can entertain for only so long you know!

At some point one of the toddlers wandered over to me.

"I'm Beckett." He confided quietly. And I decided 'What the hec!' and joined him on the ground deciding to ignore Arty for the time being.

"I'm Artemis but you can call me Missy."

He nodded.

"You look like Artemis." He said staring at my face. He looked barely three but the intelligence I saw in his eyes was astonishing.

"I do don't I?" I could think of nothing else to say.

I patted his head. I don't know what made me do it or why I started grinning. But suddenly I was struck by a thought. Technically, Beckett was my little brother.

I'd always wanted on of those. Now I had two! Amazing what life can do, Well actually I suppose I had a big brother now too. Was Arty older or younger than me? That could be a complication. 'Curioser and curioser' Quote Alice, check. Now where was that rabbit?

I looked up and there he was staring at me. The grin dropped of my face like, I could almost hear it splatter onto the floor like yesterdays eggs.

Right, so whatever I though about him up to this point was irrelevant, his expression said all. This guy was trouble with a capital E for evil. I removed my hand from the little boys head and sat back up onto the sofa. He wanted a fight well so be it.

**Normal POV**

Artemis Fowl Senior was tired, more than that he was exhausted. His prosthetic leg felt stiff and his head felt swollen. Although it was only the afternoon he decided that as soon as he reached home he was going straight to bed.

The twelve hour flight from Japan had not exactly been refreshing. Although it had been necessary to attend the National Peace Summit, well more of an obligation as his wife insisted he go. Angeline had only recently recovered from a potentially life threatening illness. Artemis Fowl Sr. had wanted to remain with his family but she had forced him to go.

As the Mercedes pulled into Fowl Manor he though a quick check on his family ought to do before he could retire. The driver opened the door and Mister Fowl entered. Completely oblivious to the dramatic change about to appear in his life.

He noticed the house was oddly quite not that it was normally noisy. He opened the door to the living room about could feel the tension so thick it was almost palpable.

Upon hearing him enter the occupants of the room looked up at once.

Artemis who had been pacing stopped mid-stride, Angeline stood up and without greeting her husband called a maid who took the protesting twins away, for their afternoon nap.

Artemis Fowl Sr. had stopped half way to where they were sitting and was staring, mouth agape at the occupant of the sofa. He stared at Missy, then Artemis, then back to Artemis again.

"Who-?" his question began but he seemed unable to complete it.

Artemis the second really thought he ought to have his parents sitting down, they weren't as young as the used to be…

"This Timmy is Artemis." Angeline said quietly pointing to the girl.

"She says she's your daughter.!

Utter Silence.

Blue eyes stared into blue.

_Daughter?_

For a minute Artemis Fowl Senior's mind went blank. Then with the inevitable truth staring at him realization hit, like a bucket of cold water to the face.

Daughter!?

"My daughter?" he asked slowly.

Angeline let out the breath she'd been holding, _'He didn't know!'_ Relief flooded her mind and then just as suddenly was replaced by the same cool anger that had been there before. _'He didn't _even know_ he had a daughter!!'_

Artemis on the other had had been quite pleased with the surprise on his fathers face. He didn't for one second want to believe what this girl said was true. He had to clear his father's record. Just because something looked one way didn't mean didn't mean it was. The boy genius straight away began planning how to prove she wasn't Fowl blood.

Angeline suddenly handed her husband the letter she had in her hand.

He took is and slowly but with growing apprehension began to read.

"_Dear Artemis,_

_The only way you could be reading this letter is that I am dead. _

_I have a daughter, your daughter. I'm sure you will remember that right in October in Dublin. I know I only ever met you that one time but I think I fell in love with you. That's why I named her Artemis, after you. I can remember asking you about it, it's a girl's name too, right?_

_I sorry I didn't tell you about her, but I didn't know your reaction and I sorely wanted to keep her. I realize we move in different circles and you couldn't possibly take the responsibility of a child not to mention the scandal, I didn't want to ruin your life._

_So I've kept her and I've loved her and raided her as best I can. She she's ten now, and looks just like you. I don't know when this letter will get to you but I fell I won't be there for her for long._

_But once I'm gone she'll have no-one. I only ask that you give her your name and maybe provide a little for her in life. She need to have some kin and always did ask so much about you. She's a smart lass and she can manage herself otherwise._

_Yours affectionately,_

_Rosie O'Shea"_

He read it once, and then read it again.

Flashes of a day in October when his first born had been three came back to him. The fight with Angeline, the drive to Dublin, the drinks in the bar and the pretty young woman. Then the smell of roses and waking up in a stranger's house, the realization and finally the guilt.

The girl looked at him expectantly.

His gaze found that of his wife and he simply said "I'm sorry I didn't know."

"You didn't know?" She asked incredulous. You have a child Timmy and you didn't know?" She closed her eyes as if to prevent the tears from falling but fall they did.

"How? When?" she asked misery etched into her voice.

Artemis couldn't help but feel a wave of misery wash over him too. He knew he shouldn't but he blamed her. This complete stranger who had brought such stress to his only just recovering family. It was an irrational though but hey, he was a teenage boy as well as a genius and teenage boys are known to be pretty irrational at times.

Artemis Senior meanwhile couldn't deny his wife an answer, he knew there were two teenagers present in the room but he had to give his wife an explanation. He described with the least amount of detail how he had left after the fight with her. How he had tried to drown his sorrow and then the resulting one night stand.

He looked at his wife, hoping to somehow communicate his feelings but as he explained his excuses sounded lame even to his own ears. He had been a different man then and still there was the regret he had to live with, but he just didn't know how to explain that.

When he was done there was silence once more.

* * *

**Lilly: oookay… so yeah pretty angsty and well in my opinion lame…**

**Laurry: And you did update after like a year…but dont worry it's get funny 'gain soon**

**Lilly: uh yeah about that. You see dear readers when I started this story it was a complete whim. A meandering plot and no end in sight. Over the last couple of months I have taken a break from updating to actually write this story and have now a full plot and up to chapter 10 written. This story ought to me around 15-18 chapters so that's pretty good! ^-^**

**Laurry: I didn't really like the end of the chapter as it got pretty vague and well random… in truth Lilly got squeamish…**

**Lilly: hehe… oh and you were editing around what four in the morning? Right..**

**Laurry: (sweat drop) **

**Lilly: Oh and another thing..this fic will get pretty explicit no nowhere near M but pretty decriptive in a biological way.. erm **

Laurry: What my dear alter-ego means to say is.. there a load of swearing and sex talk...mainly from Missy...she grew up in Dublin people...'nough said...

**Lilly: Well anyway please review peoples! I promise it will get more funny and A/Hy in further chappies…Man Arty is one tough nut to write about. I wont even dare his POV though i may take a crack at Foally or O- wait i said nothing...heheh oh yeah no Botler for a while i know sad...**

**Laurry: Yeah Lilly Smoooth...=.= Anyway next update shall be in sometime near Valentines day as our Mock exams finish around then. Yeah they're a pretty big deal here in Ireland...Oh and Lilly had a mini explosion of an idea for an AH oneshot so look out for that.. anyway then over and out!!**


	5. Chapter 4: Artemis Artemis, Artemis

_This morning when I got up and was making breakfast I dropped a frying pan on my toe. Mr. T__oe was not happy._

**Chapter 4****: Artemis, Artemis, Artemis?**

**Fowl Manor, Parlour**

**Missy Pov**

Once the man finished talking there was utter silence once more. I could hear a clock tick somewhere. I could hear Angeline's anguished breathing.

Everything was so on edge. He was looking at me, the man who was supposed to be my father. And he... looked like me… Rather _I _looked like him as I'd been told since forever. Yeah we looked alike, same eyes, same hair, same nose but there the similarity stopped. This guy looked positively battle scarred like he'd been dragged through a rainforest by a rabid elephant or something. He had fading scars and he walked with a slight limp as if his leg wasn't right. Nevertheless he was handsome and I could see what he would have looked like fifteen years ago.

I looked back at him as he scrutinized me as well and I felt…nothing.

Zilch.

I know I should have felt _something_ but no. I was utterly emotionless other than the odd curiosity over his scars, slightly bored maybe. The back of my knee was itchy. Probably because I'd been sitting in the same position so long but then again I didn't want to move either as it would draw attention to me, I'd rather they look at the floor or each other or even my shoes, just not me!

I'd been stared at enough.

I suppose if I were to say years later what emotion I felt then I would say anger. Not anger at my father for not being there, not anger at his family for being there, not even anger at Mam. No ladies and gentlemen I felt angry at Arty.

Simple as that.

Why was _he _allowed to have both parents when I was left with less than half? Why did _hi_s father love his mother? Why was my mother the odd one out? Why? We were only different by a few chromosomes by my reckoning. It had just been chance that I was conceived later? Right?

But at that time I didn't really understand why I felt how I did? Now did I know what Arty had done to actually have both parents there _with_ him.

The minute he'd walked in I'd known who he was. I was almost expecting him to go "Missy! I am your father!" But no, sadly no Darth Vader moment.

I gave them a few minutes to let it all sink in.

"I'm Sorry Angeline I really am." He said again. Sorry doesn't cut it Mister. You should have thought of this when you were shoving your-

"Artemis I know this must be hard…"

Huh? What could he mind read? He was talking to me? No wait. He was talking to Arty…We-eird…

And then "And I'm truly sorry to you as well!"

Whe-ell! This time he _was_ talking to _me_!! Yeah, I think they'd had enough time to let it sink in. Time to blow this Popsicle stand.

I stood up.

"You know it's kinda funny…" I began trying to lighten the mood. All three pair of eyes were on me. Five blue, one brown.

"He's Artemis" I rolled my eyes toward Arty. "Your Artemis" I pointed, "And I'm Artemis" I smiled.

"And here I thought it was a rare name…Rare my as-foot!" I chuckled slightly something telling me they would be more offended by the curse that the fact I was a bastard.

OH! MY CRACKERS! WERE THESE PEOPLE ON POT OR SOMETHING!!!

I mean that was bloody hilarious! Three effin' Artemises Under the same room! This was like a frickin' convention or something! Laugh people! Do something!

Whoppsie-dee the just looked at me like I was fucking hypnotized or something.

Yeah… whatever….

I sighed and picked up my bag. Arty was the first to react. He jumped up and stood with his arms folded as if to prevent me leaving. It's a free country buddy! You ain't gonna do no experiment on me! How I knew this, that he wanted to take my blood and do tests is beyond me…genetic telepathy and whatnot….Who cares... I was leaving.

Next was Angeline. She jerked, as if waking and blinked.

"Look I'm really sorry for all this…If I'd known what trouble I'd cause I would never have come, honestly! But like I'm gonna _leave_…never to darken your doorstep again and all that jazz..." I stepped towards the door.

"No."

Retake.

Cheated on wife stops husbands illegitimate child from leaving her house.

Am I the only one to see something wrong with this picture?

"No! You can't go! Because I'm your fairy God-Mother! And together we must save the world from the vengeance of the homosexual rodents! With help from the munckins! Oh and Santa is real!"

Now that would have been cool!

But actually she said:

"No, you can't go. Not after what Ro- your mother asked in her letter."

She couldn't say Mam's name and yet she wanted _me_ to stay. To take the name of Fowl?

Whoah…My Daddy has one hec of wife!

"You-you have to stay with us. Timmy and I have a responsibility to you now! We _have_ to take care of you!" She said the last bit as if to make herself believe it too then glanced at my father.

I swear I saw Arty ogle his mother for a second in surprise before composing himself. And who could blame him _I_ was flabbergasted. Creepy how much we look alike...heh…

My father was quite surprised as well but he just nodded. I can see who wears the pants in this house err... mansion.

But hey I wouldn't go without a fight.

"You really don't have to do this you know… seriously its okay… and I quote '_She a smart lass and she can manage herself.' _"

"There's no way I can let a young girl like yourself live _alone_." Angeline said and as if that closed the discussion.

But there was something just so _wrong_ with this picture and yet somehow it felt like _such_ a family thing. Huh? _Family_? Like out of a fairy tale right?

What next Elves and Pixies?

Boy did I ever make a good guess seeing as what happened next! Was I gonna freak out or what!?

Half an hour later I found myself in this nifty bedroom. Angeline said I could spend the night here in the guest suite, while she got a proper room prepared for me.

A room for me? In this castle like place? Out in the middle of nowhere? To live with my newly discovered fathers family?

How did a day that started with me dropping a frying pan on my toe end up like this? I groaned falling into bed. What the hell just happened to my life?

And then I decided… Meh… So what? Shit happens…

* * *

**Fowl Manor, Master Bedroom**

**Normal POV**

She stood at the window a battle raging within her soul. On one hand she felt anger, hot molten bubbling, boiling anger. The clasp of heart wrenching betrayal. And on the other she felt pity, such pity that she wanted to weep even when the grief was not hers to bear. But she felt responsible. It was _her_ husband after all who was the father of this girl. And then the anger returned in full force. How could he? Didn't he love her?

Of course he loved her. So much that he had changed himself just for her. Angeline rested her head against the cool window pane; it was no mean feat what he Timmy had done. She scrunched he eyes shut. Why? Why was this so difficult? She sighed.

What ever had happened, had already happened. She couldn't live in the past, was her decision. Opening her eyes she smiled. If there was to be any anger it was to be directed to the fates, _she _was not going to live in regret. She would forgive him, if not now then over time. And she would love _her_. Love that girl as her own. After all she'd been through she deserved it.

Hearing her husband walk into the room she smiled, turning to face him. He appeared apprehensive but she simply danced over to embrace him, murmuring, an "I forgive you" into his ear before welcoming him home.

* * *

**Lilly: Finally it's typed!! I thought I would never finish! Kudos to Laurry for the editing!**

**Laurry: Merci! Also sorry I know it was just Missy this chappy but this was originally supposed to be part of the last chapter but it got too long.**

**Lilly: I admit people my Artemi****s is like very OOC but he's just soo hard to write!! Anyhoo Holly up next! Wootwoot!**

**Laurry: Okay peoples feel free to guess what happens next kay? Plot wise! ^-^**

**Lilly: Other than that..reviews! I wuvs you alls! XD**


	6. Chapter 5: Teh Forbidden Romance?

_And here I thought she'd have needed elf raising flour...Seeing as what she lacks in height she makes up for in attitude...Okay I admit...bad pun... bad pun..._

* * *

**Chapter 5: Teh Forbidden Romance (Yes that is a Teh) **

**Normal POV**

**Haven City, Police Plaza**

She wasn't doing this, she told herself. She wasn't.

Which is exactly why she found herself walking towards the operations booth.

Trouble had been no trouble at all -pun indeed intended- she was already on leave and sometimes lying just came too her so easily...hmm...Why was that? Oh yes...Bad influences of late...

So weaselling permission out of Trouble had easier than fooling a goblin it was Foaly she had to worry about... The paranoid pony was going to need a careful mix of lies and truth to convince before she could leave. Or rather not leave.

Because there was no way on earth...or under it that she was actually doing this.

She had tried; there was no way to say she hadn't. But that 'kiss' lay like a stack of bricks in her mind. A heavy, guilty, embarrassing, niggling stack of bricks. She called it the 'tingle' because every time she thought of it her lips tingled.

Why? Why me? Was her constant plea to Frond. She'd only saved both human and fairy races a couple of times. Perhaps a few lives directly, maybe everyone else indirectly. Only served as an officer for the last good few centauries? Didn't she deserve some sort of a break?

Apparently not.

She'd be having a perfectly normal day and then something, some little action or event would trigger it and her thoughts would stray...And then she would cringe as a whole flood of memories were inflicted upon her. Holly wasn't one to dwell but in this instance she just couldn't put it out of her mind.

Maybe she'd carried some of her younger self back from the past... err... forward from the past?

She really needed to have a serious talk with No.1. That imp had a whole lot to answer for. Not only was she jittery, jumpy and strung-up, she was constantly conflicted.

There was absolutely nothing for her to do on leave! Holly wondered when life had become duty. Didn't she have hobbies? Things to do when she _wasn't _on duty? Didn't she own a set of ferns? They were rotting away in her apartment's kitchen now, even though she was at home.

Holly sighed. Lately all she did was try to un-remember the humiliating memories of the past. Or stress over what Opal could be planning. She didn't have any time for herself.

She sighed again, a singular thought making its way into her mind "Little boys are idiots..."

As soon as the thought made itself apparent however she was back to being irritated. Oh that stupid mudboy was going to pay for making her so worried about him! For dragging her to the past and ...and whatever else that followed. She wouldn't think about it! No!

She wasn't completely sure what she intended to do but shouting and generally making his life miserable featured heavily. Maybe giving the stupid genius a piece of her ever frying mind would help her clear things up? And in her many fights with herself over whether she was actually going to go through with it or not. One thing became clear.

She had to see Artemis or this tempestuous cloud of frustration would never go away. Somehow that singular though linked in to all her problems. Seeing Artemis and yelling a bit would make everything better. She would finally get over this silly nostalgia (no more dwelling on that kiss), she wouldn't have to worry about acting her age and then she could finally go home and water the ferns!

She just had to see Artemis. That's all. Which is why she was stood at this moment out side the operations booth altogether too edgy? Right?

Wrong... She wasn't really doing this... well that's what she told her frantically beating heart. Frantically beating heart? Since when? Ooh... A certain imp was in big trouble...

Okay so it was now or never. She raised a hand to open the sliding door but before she could it opened on its own accord.

"I've been watching you stand there for the last twenty minutes Holly." She heard Foaly from deep within the caverns of the booth.

Had it really been that long? Telling herself over and over exactly what it was that she wasn't doing? Why? Why had she done that? She shouldn't do that! She shouldn't let some silly boy waste her time...just _thinking_ about it.

"What's wrong Holly? Usually you're not _this_ lost for words?" the centaur asked turning in his swivel chair.

"Nothing...I was just contemplating whether I watered my ferns or not this morning..." she replied dryly regaining her composure, what...? It was the truth after all.

"Oh har-har... So what do you want? Usually you don't visit _little old me_ unless the world is in impending doom or you want something?" Foaly crossed his hairy arms and returned to his monitor.

Holly sighed not for the umpteenth time "Sorry Foaly... I've just been kinda out of it you know... time travel takes a lot out of you..."

"Uh-huh ..." He nodded not looking at her, choosing instead to tinker away at his plasma screen. "But you still need something right?"

"Wings." She admitted grudgingly.

Foaly turned to look at her sharply.

"I need to complete the ritual..." She supplied meekly.

"And would you're little jaunt to the surface include the Emerald Isle?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I figured... Since I was going... I might as well."

"Might as well visit an unscrupulous little mudboy?" Both eyebrows were raised now, the hint of a smirk visible on the centaurs lips.

"I wanted to warn him about Opal..."

"In person?"

"It's good to keep an eye on him...now and then you know that devious mind of his... Frond knows what he's up too..."

"I keep two of my eyes on him..." Foaly stated.

"I'm bored Foaly...work has been slower than a gnome with rheumatics... I need my friends..." she defended.

Foaly sighed in mock depression. "Oh go then! Here are the wings... just don't expect me to lend a shoulder when he dies..."

She looked at him.

"He's gonna die way before us Holly... he's only human..."

She shrugged in response, in her mind Holly was smirking with glee, she had convinced Foaly and without any suspicion either. "Foaly..." She smiled walking backwards "Come on... you know you're my best friend too..."

The centaur began to smile too "Be sure to tell me how the new scanner works out...Once you're finished with your date..."

Holly rolled her eyes at him, knowing any other response would give her away. Give away what? There was nothing to give away... she wasn't DOING anything...

"Oh and watch out for that new movie poster..." She could hear Foaly chuckling after her.

Ten minutes later Holly walked into the E1 shuttle port and was greeted by a blaring movie poster. A whole wall had been dedicated to the image which depicted a very pretty elf in LEP gear gazing adoringly at a mudman. A very handsome looking mudman, clearly a very bad replica of Artemis albeit computer generated. At first she just felt like rolling her eyes. Not another one. Wasn't the last movie where Opal had some sick love interest in Artemis bad enough? Or the one before that where Commander Root was supposed to be her biological father?

Holly shuddered and then looked at the caption beneath the poster.

"The Forbidden Romance" it read. She froze. Wait. Her and Artemis? Were they serious? How in the name of Frond?

Then she felt the blood boil beneath her cheeks, thankfully her dark skin prevented it from being visible. Her eye twitched and she felt the usual cascade of anger. Oh but this was absolutely ridiculous!

Stupid stinking scheming companies...She stared at the poster again and shuddered. Of all the farfetched movies made about her this had to be the worst.

'Or maybe not' said a small voice in her mind.

But it was only a very small tiny voice and Holly shook her head pushing it away.

The fury built up again, this time for a different reason. But why should she care? She didn't care? She wasn't even doing anything wrong? There was absolutely nothing wrong with visiting a friend right? He just happened to be human. And perhaps she planned on rolling him over coals but still. Besides she wasn't actually going anyway right? Wait what?

Great now she was confusing even her self...

Alright perhaps denial was the first symptom said the small voice again only it wasn't so small any more. Symptom? Symptom of what? She battered away the little voice. No she refused to have an argument with herself!

Pushing all these thoughts away she looked around only to see Grub Kelp standing beside her. Seemingly he was on desk duty but instead stood beside her ogling the new movie poster.

"They had a sprite play me..." He grumbled "Imagine... Of course I'm going to complain..." He said it as if it were of the utmost importance. Holly couldn't help but roll her eyes and wonder how many film companies now had miles of paper work thanks to Grub.

"What I want to know is where the D'Arviting hell do they get off with that idea..." She muttered darkly, pointing to the poster and its eyes socket burning myriad of colours. She couldn't help but give it a shivering glance as they moved off towards the terminal gate.

"Oh but I thought you and Artemis were together..." Grub wondered looking up at her as he processed her visa and gave her above ground clearance.

"He's fifteen... and a mudman." she said from between her teeth annoyance showing through on her face.

"Oh eh...well you see..." Grub floundered for a bit as Holly walked to the gate. It closed behind her and the fairies rushed into the shuttle.

"Oh... I'm sorry but the interview they had me do asked if you were dating... and I..." his voice was lost to Holly as she was moved further away with the cram to get into the shuttle but the meaning was clear.

Grub was a dead fairy when she got back.

Holly ground her teeth and tapped her feet, standing up to let an elderly sprite sit. Finally admitting that she actually was going to Fowl Manor she promised herself that this was going to be the last trip in a long-long while. The poster flashed by the window and Holly involuntarily shuddered adding as an afterthought. At least until he was done with puberty any way.

* * *

**Laurry: X_X I is very confused...**

**Lilly: (sobs) Give me a break! Apollo died!! T_T**

**Laurry: For those who don't know she is referring to her pet mouse, Apollo who passed away last Wednesday, watched by his brother Artemis. Yes, we name our pet mice after the Greek gods...**

**Lilly: (sniffs) Anyway people... sorry if this chapter came out a little confusing...Holly is basically having an argument with herself but it's not one-sided...it's not even two sided...it's un-sided! (Begins to sob again)**

**Laurry: Right....**

**Lilly: Oh he was too young! Too young! I mean we only got him this week... He used to eat his little mice food and drink water from his little bottle and it was soo cute...and then he died...and I watched him... helplessly...(sniff sniff) Because there nothing you can do for mice..No vaccine...Nothing...I told them we should get rats but nooo! My brother had to go and get mice...so cute with their whiskers and little paws...(Bawls eyes out)**

**Laurry: On another note... Hope you like the update however confusing it was... you may get only one or two more chapters before our exams in June... after which this fic will be updated every week! ^-^**

**Lilly: Oh Artemis you'll be a genius for Mommy wont you? You'll grow up to be a big bright mouse and help Mommy discover a cure to mouse fever? Won't you? (cuddles Artemis the mouse)**

**Laurry: =.= Mice have a two year life expectancy Lilly... Anyhoo reviews peoples!! We want at least ten reviews by the next chappie! ^-^**

**Lilly: Oh! Cruel World!! T_T**


	7. Chapter 6: The Queer that are Pink?

_Someone push the red button! Alert! Alert! __Okay start panicking cuz we are in deep shiite!_

**Chapter 6: The Queer that are Pink!?**

**Missy Pov**

**Fowl Manor, Newly Occupied Family Room**

I shivered. I was cold. Too cold. So I reached out a hand to turn on the electric blanket. But somehow I couldn't even find the edge of the bed. I kept searching, emerging partly out of the duvet. I found the edge of the bed but it was too far away. The bed was way too big to be _my_ bed...

I snatched my hand inside the covers. I was in someone else's bed.

_Holly shit bucket._

I'd done it.

I'd gotten drunk and then I'd gotten into bed with someone I barely knew!!

Wait. That didn't sound like me. I don't get drunk, usually, nor do I get into other peoples beds. I'm Missy not Rosie!

I breathed out a sigh of relief then cracked open one eye.

_Holy shit bucket of DOOOM!_

Pink! The bed sheets, the duvet, the wall, the furniture, Pink!

I'd done worse than get into bed with some random guy. I'd gotten into bed with some random _gay_ guy!

Hence the doom. So I screamed.

* * *

**Normal POV**

**Fowl Manor, Foyer**

At this moment in time Artemis had a strong urge to growl 'Curses' and pace the foyer muttering under his breath. He did no such thing however silently berating himself for wasting his time watching cartoons with the twins. Curses? What kind of malformed characters did they make for children these days? Who would have thought that he Artemis Fowl the Second former criminal genius could be found on Sunday mornings watching "Loony Toons" and "Scooby Doo" with his siblings, but his mother was adamant that watching TV was the best form of sibling bonding available these days. "All the other kids do it Arty." She would say.

"Yes but if all the other kids jumped off a bridge, would I?" he wanted to ask. But found something utterly wrong with _that _particular picture.

So even though Artemis had more than a dozen plausible disagreements his mother nor Myles and Beckett would take a negative answer. Now he found dialogue from the animations roaming his complex brain. Suffice to say the boy genius did not find "What's up Doc?" amusing.

Let's go now though to the reason why Artemis felt like impersonating a Toon villain. And that reason would be the results he'd obtained just that morning, from the DNA test he had constructed. It could be no clearer that he was in fact related by blood to the abomination upstairs.

Artemis sighed and gave into one instinct, he began pacing the foyer. He missed Butler. He really wanted some advice on this matter. He had been so sure that he was able to prove that _she _wasn't his father's child then everything would get back to normal. But of course 'DNA never lies' he quoted. The girl's DNA -extracted from a hair Artemis had procured- was that of Artemis Fowl Senior's offspring. In fact her DNA was eerily similar to his own... down to ever last gene except for sex.

If only Butler was here perhaps Artemis could have asked him about the possibility of clone assassins... As it happened Butler was at this moment sitting outside a boxing rink in Mexico, but Artemis didn't know that.

Ever since her possession by Opal Koboi his mother had become quite assertive and perhaps a little persuasive. She had been all set to retire Butler with full pension of course but Butler too had vast resources of will power. He had driven a mean argument stating that he was still physically fit. Finally the conclusion of a three month holiday was achieved and Butler was sent off to spend some time with his baby sister. Artemis and Juliet had bets on how long Butler could stand it before coming back.

The 'abomination' upstairs as it happened was currently sleeping in her newly furnished room. One that Angeline Fowl had prepared in less than a day.

Artemis was slightly disturbed with the various amounts of pink furniture that had appeared in the room next to his yesterday. The fact that there was a room beside his was a mystery in itself; never mind the perplexing revelation that his new 'sister' would hence forth live there. Nor was Artemis particularly overjoyed when his mother had told him, upon his inquiry of all that pink, that his parents had been expecting a daughter when Artemis had been born.

The enthusiasm with which his mother had worked surprised Artemis. He had wondered for a while why she was so hell bent upon making the girl's life better, when he had realised that although Angeline was deeply hurt by her husband rather than show her sadness she had fuelled all her energy on being as kind as possible to the girl. It was testament to the woman's huge heart how she had, indeed welcomed Missy with open arms.

Artemis was as yet unsure what his feelings were to this stranger who had just waltzed into their lives. He decided he needed more time to ponder and come to a conclusion. His father too was hesitant and apprehensive of the girl. Whereas Angeline had struck up an almost friendly relationship with her, perhaps it was because she was the only one not related by blood to Missy.

It had not been two days yet and already Angeline had contacted the social services, who were arriving with official adoption papers in a few days. She had booked a flight to Paris and London for a shopping spree with her new 'Daughter'. And the two Artemises found themselves enrolled in a local Secondary school, a smaller branch of 's.

Artemis cringed thinking about the events of the previous day. Angeline had been practically gleeful as she had laid out her plans, a hurricane had rampaged through their lives- Hurricane Angeline. He had seen that Missy had been none too pleased as Angeline rushed from phone to bedroom exclaiming about how "They were going to have so much fun!" In fact she had been just mortified by all these drastic changes, taking it all in with an almost surreal acceptance. At the mention of social services she had looked pained but when confronted with her hideously pink room Artemis was sure she looked nauseated.

She seemed like a normal obnoxious teenager who was coping reasonably well with a lot of stress. And although Artemis felt the slight twinge of guilt now and then his main feeling was annoyance. However he believed that by keeping his feelings neutral he might achieve a normal cordial relationship with the girl, ignoring her little faults of course. He couldn't be more wrong.

Yet this life changing occurrence wasn't altogether easy to accept even for Artemis, who had to deal with life changing occurrences on regular bases. His younger brothers were perfectly fine with the addition to the family, of course they had experience. Hadn't an elder sibling already appeared into their lives practically from nowhere before. Why this was just more of the same to them...her name was Artemis! They probably expected a hermaphrodite by the name or Artemis to walk in the door next. Wait they were two… did they even know what a hermaphrodite was…? Artemis shook his head, banishing the thought.

To elevate some of the stress and perhaps give himself some peace to think Artemis had decided to spend the rest of the morning in the Fowls stables. With his parents having gone to the twins first day of playschool, Artemis was alone in the house. Well as alone as he could be with that doppelganger fobbing around. And so to the stables it was for some much required 'alone time'. Artemis was almost out the door too, when he heard something that made him stop in his tracks. A blood curdling scream echoed throughout Fowl Manor, one which had him rushing right back up the stairs.

* * *

**Missy POV**

**Still, Fowl Manor**

Pink! Pink! Pink! Nauseatingly pink!

Oh Woe! Oh Woe!!

The carpet was pink. The vanity was pink. And a fluffy window seat, pink. There was heart shaped pillows in abundance on the bed and scattered about the floor, what do you think? PINK!

And then this guy who looked just like me walked in and I screamed some more, along the line of:

"I went to bed with a look alike gay guy!! Holy Mary save me!!" Before diving under the covers.

"What are you yelling about, Miss O'Shea?"

Oh.

And then everything came back. Alarm over. I wasn't in any guys' bed gay or otherwise. The boy I just saw was Arty my new 'brother'. And this bed was my bed, this room, my room. Jaysus... I was **not** a morning person.

I pulled off the covers to see him standing there with a riding costume on. Okay. What. The. Hell? It was like something off the 'Saddle Club'. The weird little coat and hard hat and those breeches that are way too tight...ew...What gave? So I asked him. I'd never seen Arty wearing that... only really snazzy formal stuff (which was absolutely to die for by the way) but then again I'd only known the guy for what? Forty eight hours?

But for some reason he'd turned bright pink and started staring at the ceiling which was coincidently, bright pink.

"What?" I asked my voice gravelly from sleeping, as he stared to back away.

"Ahem... Well I see you're not quite dressed yet so I'll- I'll just..."

I glanced down. "Oh."

I was wearing red boxers and a pretty slinky black top, plus they were a bit rumpled. Oops... Back home in Blancherdstown I used to walk around in my knickers all the time, it was just me and Mam after all, which means just me since Mam was always working double shifts at the pub.

I guess some things would have to change, starting with the fact that there was no back home anymore. This was home now; Angeline had made it crystal clear with the dozen or so calls to the social services, yesterday. They were gonna be here in two days! Bugger... I was totally caught.

So perhaps... DOOOM had been the right sentiment to wake up to.

At any rate I grabbed the first thing I could find in my abandoned duffle bag on the floor, a big baggy hoody, green my favourite. Pulling it on, I said the first thing on my mind "Hang on Arty, don't be such a prude!?"

He stopped and eyed my ensemble with disdain I looked down to stare at my bare and frightfully pale legs. "Oh whatever Angeline is taking me shopping anyway..." I said angrily, "Though I really don't want her to..." Seriously the woman was like a ball of cheer on two legs.

His only reply was "I'm not being prude, merely observing decent behaviour."

Uh-huh... Sure Arty... Translation: 'I'AM A PRUDE! I'M A PRUDE!! MAKE FUN OF ME!'

He still hadn't answered me about the weird clothes _he_ was wearing, plus he need some major teasing so I did the only thing I could, I asked him "So what's the clothes for Arty?"

He replied somewhat hesitantly, at least he was looking at me now... "I was going to go... riding..."

Oh. Going riding was he... his name may not be snotty-rich boy material but his actions sure were. He was so going to get it for that smirk yesterday. I saw him, snickering away as Angeline showed me the horror of all horrors...my new pink room!

"Don't worry Arty... I wake up screaming every day..." I said nonchalantly, as I began to walk around the room. "Pretty comfy are they?" I nodded at his clothes. Get all uppity about _my_ clothes would ya? I glanced at him coyly, staring particularly at those oh so tight trousers; boy was he hot under the collar. Heehee...

"Yes...well..." He seemed to be madder with himself than me, Pssh... Probably 'cause he had no comeback.

"I think I'll just leave" and he made a bolt for the door. But guess what so did I and your probably wondering who got there first? Yeah... That would be me. Score.

Arty: 0 Missy: 1

I put my arms behind my head "What's the rush?"

"I believe you are in state of undress and I'm not comfortable with that, therefore I wish to leave." He deadpanned. Well at least he was blunt about it, but seriously he was like something out of the Eighteenth Century, all 'Excuseth me and if it pleaseth thee and la dee daa...' Talk normally child...

"Like I said ... PRUDE..." I stuck out my tongue. His face looked like it was going to explode. Jesus... that looked like this picture of **me** on my sixth birthday, when I lost my first checkers game!

I sighed and moved out of the door way "Go on then..." I motioned with my hand "Run off to your ponies now, Arty" Seriously someone should be writing this down!

Arty: 0 Missy: 2

He seemed to calm down some and then a cold look came into his eye. We stared at each other for a split second; an electric tension filled the room. I broke eye contact first, the poor boy needed a break... hehe...yeah that's it. It wasn't the fact that his eyes were unnerving me at all.

He walked up to the door but instead of walking out he stood there beside me, turning to me he said "Refrain from calling me Arty, Miss O'Shea"

Oh it was sooo on. "Don't call me Miss O'Shea" I retorted "It's Miss Fowl to you..." I paused "Say... You can even call me Artemis Fowl if you want." I winked. SO what if I was pushing it, I _needed _something to push.

"Well then refer t me as the same, Miss Fowl" he said albeit with a killer scowl, before walking straight out and down the stairs.

_Miss Fowl?_

That left me with shivers, good or bad I'm not sure...

What the hay? I decided as I pulled on purple leg warmers and my pumps. Who cared what my name was? This was gonna be fun! No-one was home and I was going to be able to explore the house at my ease, who knows what kinda valuable items this place had... Starting with Arty's room- my stomach grumbled- starting with the kitchen hehe... then an expedition through the house.

After all the day before yesterday began with a frying pan on my toe and ended with the life change of a whole new family. I woke up this morning believing I had fornicated with the queer...So _this day_ was probably gonna be a blast!

I mean, who was counting but it was already like, Arty: 2, Missy: 10, who knew what could happen next!?

But you see I was taking on Artemis Fowl, which in itself was like a suicide mission armed only with a banana, sadly I was armed with nothing, not even rudimentary knowledge on my rival. Come back to me in a bit... you'll see how Arty got his own back. Because later on it's Missy: -10, Arty: 50,000!!!

Like I said…_Shiite.... _

* * *

**Normal Pov**

**Tara, Fairy Shuttle Port**

Appearing out from behind a bush at McGranary's farm Captain Holly Short activated her new wings, but not before vibrating out of the visible spectrum of vision. She watched at the sun rose into the sky, spreading its inky peach fingers into the clouds. It took her breath away even as she rose with it, higher and higher into the air, buffeted by thermals.

The cool morning air rinsed her lungs, purer the higher she went, than anywhere else on earth, well except for Haven. She calculated her flight time and stay time and if she stuck to plan, she could be back underground before evening but of course all plans are wasted on fate or rather the annoying voice in her head, now louder than ever. She tried to bat it away again like last time but it just wouldn't go! Alarmed she shook her head.

"Hello! Earth to Holly, have you floated out of the stratosphere?" burst the voice of Foaly through her ear piece. Oops...too many voices... she really was going mad.

"Yeah...yeah I'm here..." she slowed down her wings.

"Yeesh on cloud nine are we?" He teased.

"What is it?"

"You plan on staying the night or what? There's no way you can do the ritual now..."

'D'Arvit!' She thought.

Foaly seemed to hear her sentiments because the next thing he said was "Don't worry I'm not _just_ checking up on you, there a little job, that's cropped up for you..."

"Uh-huh..." Holly rolled her eyes, setting her wings to hover and cocking her head to one side as if to listen.

"We have this gnome in Paris you see..."

"And..."

"By the name of Hester...illegal aboveground visa... and he ODed on his meds and now seems to think his main goal in life is to marry one of the seven dwarves of Snow White."

"You're kidding me..."

"I kid you not. And he's male to boot!" Foaly answered in mirth.

"The dwarf?" Holly's eyes narrowed behind her visor.

"Well yes the Snow White exhibit at Disney land Paris does have all male dwarves but no I meant the Gnome..."

Holly sighed changing her trajectory. "Great now I'm queer control..." She knew would hear Foaly's chuckle for the next several years after that...anytime a gnome was mentioned.

Opening the throttle as wide as possible she made a beeline towards her temporary mission. These were new Dexi-Wings courtesy of Foaly, as he had quoted "You can break the sound barrier with these babies!"

"Well then let's test 'em out..." Holly muttered picking up her speed as the wind blew warmer.

"If I'm not at Fowl manor by noon my name isn't Holly Short!" was all she said to Foaly before terminating the connection. And the funny thing was, her name _was _Holly Short.

* * *

**Lilly: OMG! I'm on schedule! I have finished typing this chapter up before the update date!! ^-^ I'm so proud of myself!**

**Laurry: Don't forget this is the Easter Holidays... but really Lilly I'm proud of you too! You are actually studying! I mean you've never studied in your life... EVER!**

**Lilly: Aw shucks...Laurry... (Sigh) I do try you know...^-^**

**Laurry: Well what do you think peoples?**

**Lilly: Do review and tell us what this chapter was like for you? How did it make you feel? Did it make you feel happy? Did it make you feel sad? Or did it make you feel like a muffin?**

**Laurry: We really want to know? So review with some good constructive critique and when Lilly's a big million dollar making author she'll send you some royalties...ahehehe if she can find you that is...^-^**

**Lilly: COCONUTS!! XD!!!!! I wanna take a ride on your disco stick! Let's have some fun! This beat is sick! (Sings Lady Gaga at the top of her lungs)**


	8. Chapter 7: Take off your clothes!

_**Look, all I ever wanted was to have a Y chromosome... I know is sexiest and un-feminist and what not but I can't help the way I feel. Is it my fault that I like boys' clothes? That I hate bras? It's a pure coincidence, my gender. If it were up to me I would have been a bloke okay? But it's not up to me... C'est la vie... **_

**Chapter 7: Take off your clothes! **

**Normal POV**

**Fowl Manor, Stables**

Artemis rubbed the brush across the black horse's flank in a rhythmic motion. He found the simple act of rubbing down the horse a relatively relaxing process, an almost meditative state even. One in which he found himself free to ponder many a things.

He really didn't have to rub down the horse himself, there was a whole host of people employed to take care of the Fowl stables yet Artemis found it more satisfying to take preeminent care of the perissodactyla himself. Of course he rarely was at home and so the grooms had their jobs for when he was absent.

Absent. Someone was absent and Artemis found that he missed that someone terribly. It was Butler after all who had taught him to ride a horse in the first place. Artemis sighed, as much as he though he needed Butler, he couldn't afford to be so selfish anymore. It was the conscience thing again. The loyal body guard had seen him through more than enough adventures for a life time twice over. Surely, Butler deserved a break.

He was no spring chicken after all, Artemis though with a qualm of guilt, neither were his parents. With a pang Artemis realised _'He was growing up.'_

So he had an IQ over 300, an actual age of eighteen, a physical age of fifteen and a mental age of a forty year old. He had believed he had grown up at eleven... and where had that taken him?  
Abduction and mass larceny. Aurem Potestas est? Artemis snorted.

_Highly unlikely._

So he wasn't grown up quite yet, because if there was anything Artemis had learned it was that one never stopped _learning _but he was to some extent getting wiser, more responsible. He was getting there, bit by bit. It didn't help that he hadn't had a normal childhood either.

He wasn't going t make the same mistake twice of course; assuming he knew everything, that is. He knew close to everything.

And how had he come to learn that prime fact, that he wasn't the centre of the universe? Why the magical populace of course.

If it weren't for the people Artemis reflected he wouldn't be who he was today. It was strange and wondrous how the strings of fate had led him to the only source which had the power, the magic, to positively influence him, to the betterment of all involved.

Yes, he truly owed so much to the fairy race. None more so than Captain Holly Short, who had not only saved his parents and the Butlers lives but his own on more than one occasion. Artemis sighed and put down the brush.

He had arrived, once again at the topic of many hours of contemplation. Of course his thoughts had been scattered to begin with ranging from Butler and his parents to the People. And finally to her. Artemis felt a knot twist in his stomach.

Making sure the black stallion had a fresh supply of oats in its trough; he designated to return to the manor. He blinked a few times in aggravation.

Why was he constantly thinking in this repetitive manner? It disagreed with all rational concepts. Once a thought had been processed it wasn't necessary to return to it more than a few times. Yet Artemis found himself considering this single notion numerous times. More than necessary, much more.

Of course it couldn't have anything to do with a certain kiss eight years ago now could it?

Hmm... Denial. What a unique concept. He should consider that in more detail shouldn't he?

But of course Artemis Fowl was no average genius; to some extent he knew exactly why his brain kept ending every thought process with images of her. Holly Short, her face furious, sorrowful, delighted would play out in his mind, every memory felt like it had to be remembered, cherished. But the more rational part of his mind threw _that_ idea down a deep dark pit.

It was simply really the answer.

_Blasted hormones _he fumed. It just wasn't fair how his thoughts and emotions were so out of control when concerning the elf he huffed.

No. He couldn't do this, said the reasonable part of his mind. He- couldn't- think like this. He was not some lovesick puppy; he refused to lose composure this way.

Holly was his friend, his best friend, one of his _only_ friends and so their relationship must have to remain strictly platonic. He would have to suppress any unwarranted urges and feelings on his behalf, when in the company of the Captain from now on.

On the other hand and part of him found him wondering exactly how soft her crimson hair really was, perhaps he could feel it. Purely for experimental purposes...

No!! Growled the larger more rational part of his intellect. He decided he was going to stop and so he would! At which the smaller and more irrational part of his brain decided to sulk for an hour and then get its own back with a loss of logic later.

Shaking his head Artemis pried his mind from these thoughts for of course he had much more pressing matters to handle, namely Artemis Fowl the Second and a half.

He smirked a little at the word play.

Technically his new sister would adopt the name Fowl as she'd so pleasantly reminded him that morning, however her name being Artemis she should have been the second yet the _Res Gestae _was that she was essentially a child born out of wedlock. Not to mention he already held the title of second and she possibly couldn't be third seeing as they were in the same generation. She was his half-sister and therefore only had half the right to the title.

Beside she was female and females didn't generally take on titles such as second, though a small chauvinistic part of Artemis. It wasn't a particularly clever thought Artemis knew, rather meagre for his great intellect yet he couldn't help but play the cruel joke on the girl. He _had_ been infuriated.

And so he gave her the awkward yet apt title that was complement and insult in one, of Artemis Fowl the Second and a half.

Once in the house he glanced into her blatantly pink room for the door had been left open. No-one. Well he could hardly expect a mad teenager to spend all morning in her room, especially considering its colour. Then again women were strange creatures... he only had to look the few examples he knew, his mother, Juliet, Holly...

Artemis walked further down the corridor to look into the study where he knew that at least one news feed would be playing. He always liked to be updated on current events as it was and a quick scan of the headlines would be no harm before he could retire to his room to change. Entering the study he blinked. Something was not quite right. The computer screens were just as he'd left them. A projector displayed Sky and CNN muted on the back wall. The books were there and his DNA screening equipment was there in the corner just as it should be but still Artemis couldn't let go of the suspicion that had settled in his brain. The study was perfectly as it had been left, too perfect.

"Hellfire..." He muttered suddenly eyes widening and then skidded across the hall to his own room. The door was ajar. He froze.

The irksome colleen was in his room! The nerve!

And then he unfroze because there was a whole lot of fairy paraphernalia in there. Artemis wrenched open the door and dashed inside. He breathed out a sigh of relief. Everything was in order, she wasn't here.

But just to be sure he looked around the room, scanning it for any detail out of place, glancing at the ensuite bathroom and then the walk-in-closet. Then he did a retake.

Something was wrong. The curtains were drawn in the changing area and he could hear someone. And a drawer was open.

No this particular drawer did not contain stolen technology from the LEP or encrypted copies of all his files, no. For this particular drawer as it happened contained underwear.

Artemis did not curse as a rule but in this particular case he had gone through a dictionary worth of obscenities in various languages to boot. (All in his head of course)

Before he could even draw another breath and try to comprehend this situation a pale arm poked out from behind the heavy lined curtain of the dressing room, holding surprisingly enough a pair of boxers.

They were coloured a bright red with the words "The Masked Muchacho" emblazoned across the back in black and gold. It was a souvenir, courtesy of Juliet Butler from Mexico, not yet removed from the wrapping. However it seemed someone had ripped them out of the gold foil wrappings that said "Worn by the Great Muchacho- Only $5". Someone had obviously removed them from where Artemis had buried them in his drawer, six months prior.

The pale arm waved said item of clothing up and down and Missy's voice asked from the confines of the changing room, "Hey Arty? I can borrow this right? Reckon they aren't your style..."

Taking his silence to be a 'Yes' she retracted her arm back into the curtains of the dressing room. Artemis could see his clothing lying about in pile on the floor now.

"What-" He began but stopped wondering exactly how should he phrase the question?

_What are you doing in my room?_

_What are you doing in my room with my clothes!?_

_What are you doing scrounging around in my __**underwear drawer!?!?**_

But he didn't get the chance because a second or two later she pulled back the heavy blue curtains to reveal herself.

Artemis blinked.

Once.

Twice.

He stopped before the third. He was a genius after all. Missy on the other hand exhibited her lack of tact and flaunted past him to admire herself in the mirror.

Artemis had an exceedingly strong urge to grind his teeth, he resisted and instead put on that calm cold mask that suited him so well.

He asked in his most polite voice "May I enquire Ms. Fowl, exactly what you are doing in my room? Wearing my clothes?" He smiled as if they were discussing the weather.

Missy glanced down at herself. For indeed she was clad in one of Artemis's black Armani suits, a red tie and his favourite pair of loafers. They stared at each other in the mirror and simultaneously twitched seeing their similarity.

With her own clothes gone Missy looked like a boy, a near perfect twin of Artemis.

Artemis wasn't fazed, with a raise of his eyebrow he asked, crossing his arms "Well?"

"Jesus! Arty take a chill pill! I'm only looking... and you have got one hell of a wardrobe..." she drawled walking around his room peeking at everything and touching his things.

"Calm, calm" Artemis insinuated to himself. "Must remain calm." But sadly grey matter is no match for testosterone and the aggression it inspires in the male human. And no matter how intellectually adept our favourite mudboy was, no matter the volumous amounts of grey matter he possessed he also possessed a Y chromosome.

He stalked after her, his annoyance only increasing by the piles of his clothing that littered the floor.

"I'll ask you this once," He said trying to keep his voice even, "Please relinquish my clothes and remove your person from my room." He'd have to burn his clothes later.

Missy turned around scowling, her eyebrows knitting together "You are such a prig Arty! I thought we could have some fun, but you just have to be Mr. TightArse!! I always wanted brothers, but you're such a Kill joy!!" She exploded angrily.

It is a little known fact that siblings have the uncanny skills and traits to aggravate the others, whether this is a defence mechanism is as of yet unsure, you know survival of the fittest and all that jazz. But one thing remains clear, brothers and sisters definitely know how to push each other's buttons.

"Well I never planned on having a sister myself, you know." He contradicted.

"As if you can plan on getting something like a sibling!?" She scoffed. Rolling her eyes.

"Oh I always get what I want." He smiled suddenly, showing the effect of his full vampire smile.

For a moment Missy was disarmed by that smile and her haughty expression faded off her face. She wanted to turn tail and flee. Not only was she losing the argument (Actually she wasn't quite sure how she was losing but any way.) but she was running out of ammo. So she pulled the last and deadliest thing from her arsenal.

She smiled a very good imitation of Artemis actually and a mischievous glint appeared in her crystalline blue eyes. Patting his shoulder she asked casually "Say... Arty... Is this Holly your girlfriend or something?"

Artemis was stunned.

All he could do was stare at this girl in pure blind panic for a whole two seconds.

How Missy possibly assume that? He'd- he'd never even thought that word- oh dear- Girlfriend-? Come to think of it how could she possibly know of Holly?

In which time Missy once again assumed an answer from his silence. "Ohmigosh! She- Is-!!!" she yelled shaking his shoulders, his expression apparently speaking volumes.

"I- She- You- What?" It was the single most atrocious sentence he had constructed in his entire life time. This even beat the _'Mother give Artemis laptop'_ when he was one, even the 'Um...um...' to Holly after the kiss.

Artemis was mortified -once he got over his poor sentence structure that is- how could this girl know his inner most thoughts? Wait? He never had thought _that_ word. _Cringe_. So then how could this girl say that? His brain worked at near light speed and another four seconds later he was enraged, you see he had an answer.

"You've read my journal!!" he exploded, amazed and shocked.

"No duh... aren't you supposed to be like a genius or something?"

"But how-"

"Uh... Your firewall is like a hankie blowing in the wind Bro..." she poked him in the chest.

Artemis's mind was mad swirl of thoughts one after the other. First there was the blatant anger. How could this chit of a girl barge in here and just -just- **And **she'd gotten on to his computer! Into his files!

If he could just use the Mesmer on her...No she'd probably read too much, he needed a through mind wipe done...which meant contacting Haven. And she'd gotten into **his** files! His personal, encrypted files!!

He'd need to distract her of course... but still how could she possibly hack into his files!? He could call Holly, no, Foaly, he'd be able to send a retrieval team....

And still underlying it all '_She hacked into my system; maybe she really is Fowl blood.'_

And then she put the end of his red tie (which she was wearing) in her mouth and all hell decided to break lose.

"Stop that!" he yelled, all composure gone.

"Don't shout at me!" she shouted back, pushing him. The end of his tie dropped from her mouth, it was wet. Really what was wrong with this child? Who chewed clothes? _Other people's clothes? _

"Well don't push me!" Artemis threatened, raising his arms in defence.

"I'll push you if I want!" was her loud reply and she pushed him again.

"Take off those clothes and leave!!"

"Why you rude little boy!?!"

Her vision tuned red and anger pounded through her veins. Missy pushed him again, much harder than was necessary and much harder than either of them anticipated.

Artemis was not ready for the shove and was sent sprawling to the floor. Missy was not ready for the boy to slip out from beneath her fingers and unbalanced in her oversized loafers. So with a scuffle and a yelp, down when the Greek Goddess name-sakes.

There was another scuffle, some muffled yelling and next thing you know Missy was sitting on a very enraged Artemis and sticking her tongue out smugly stated, "Ha, I win."

But this was Artemis Fowl we're talking about, he cannot be bested. In a comic display of the power from the few muscles he possessed, Artemis pulled and rolled and suddenly it _he_ who was pining _her_ down.

"I believe _I_ win."

"Oh no you don't you little prick!!" and then she was up, she raised an arm and smacked the genius on the head.

"Ow..." he whimpered weakly.

And then they were a mess of struggling limbs. It was quite comical really like something out of a cartoon, a ball of smoke with appendages poking out at various angles.

"You-are-so-stupid-annoying-butthead-mean-jerk!" Missy wacked him with every word.

"Nor are you the perfect sister!" he yelled back in aggravation, pitifully attempting to defend himself. Butler would have cried had he witnessed the scene.

Somehow Artemis rolled again and successfully pinned Missy down preventing her from moving, he was growing tired. He sighed not to mention, the amount of brain cells he may be losing because of this juvenile act. He was altogether influenced too much by the twins he decided; no self-respecting genii would ever condone such behaviour.

"Please stop this and give me back my clothes?" he asked, almost begged.

"You want em'? Fine!!" she yelled angrily and jerked her arms away from him and began to unbutton her shirt.

"Wait! Wha-" he panicked, trying to pull away but before he could even finish his exclamation they both heard a gasp and froze.

They looked towards the window, well Artemis did, Missy tried, seeing as she was on the ground facing away from the window in question.

Captain Holly Short materialized into Artemis's bedroom utterly baffled, discombobulated and gobsmacked. Unless her eyes were amazingly mistaken she was watching Artemis on his bedroom floor straddling a girl who was in the process of removing her clothes.

Holly blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

What the heck!?

"Holly!" he panicked seeing the incredulity in her eyes "This is not what it looks like!"

_Oh the irony!_

The next second he wanted to smack his face in shame. Did he just say that? He did not just say that? It was the guiltiest thing the guilty party could say! Not that he was guilty of anything the irksome girl had done this not him.

Wait. Guilty of what? And why did Holly look so murderous?

"Who is she?" Holly hissed out indignantly, eyes narrowing. The elf herself was amazed at the volley of rage that swept her brain as soon as she -to her comprehension- assessed the situation.

Wait why was she so angry...? Artemis could do what he liked right?

Okay, firstly the idea of Artemis with a girl was so creepy Holly didn't know what to think. Next she had a terrifying image of _herself_ in the girl's position. Before she could even try to block _that_ thought another invaded in which she wondered again as to why exactly two teenagers would be on the ground.

Then Holly felt herself get hot. Really hot, the thoughts running around in her head were like nails driving into her skull. Her breath came in a gasp and she suddenly felt sick. Of course all this happened in the space of a few nano-seconds and no one noticed.

What the hell!?

Missy, who was still on the floor as Artemis hastily removed himself, twisted her head at an odd angle to view Holly, giving the elf a nice view of her face in return.

"Hey!" she said animatedly. "I'm Artemis Fowl, you must be Arty's Girlfriend!"

"T-two..." Mouthed the elf weakly. Her brain seemed to short circuit.

And then Captain Holly Short of LEP Recon for the first time in her Eighty plus year existence, without cause of injury or exhaustion, fainted.

For a whole minute there was silenced and then Missy pushed herself up into a sitting position ad asked "Hey Arty... I think your girlfriend just fainted..."

Then she whispered is in carrying mock tones "I think she got a little jealous... But don't worry. I'm not into incest..." She widened her eyes and nodded the picture of innocence.

Artemis didn't grace her with a reply... or perhaps he just didn't know what to say... After all what can _anyone_ say to that? Then again we are still talking about Artemis Fowl here and he probably did have something to say he just didn't feel like it. Yeah... that's it... Probably...

Artemis shook himself. At least now he could get Missy mind wiped. He went over to see was Holly alright and Missy crawled over too.

"She's not- my girlfriend." He got out with some difficulty.

"Uh-huh..." Missy rolled her eyes in a most familiar way. Confound it... why did she look so like him... she even rolled her eyes like him.

"She's merely a friend." He said trying to keep his voice even.

"Yeah... and you don't drool every time you mention her..." Missy rolled her eyes again. "Oh Holly is the best pilot you ever met, she's has the world best aim!" she mimicked.

Artemis wanted to kick her, but he didn't.

"You even call her a leprechaun! Man!" she snickered.

"Actually... she is a leprechaun or rather a Lower Elements Police Recon officer." He sighed, might as well tell her seeing as she would only ask. Besides the more they wiped the more chances of a drop in IQ points. "They are the fairy race that lives beneath the earth, also known by many as the people."

He found a certain vindictive pleasure in informing the unsuspecting girl, she didn't believe him, he didn't mind. Soon she would need to.

Missy snorted staring down at Holly –who was lying face down between them- then drawled "Oh yeah...I read about that too... what is it... some geeky virtual reality RPG thing?"

When Artemis only smiled that vampire smile in response she faltered and looked down at Holly again.

"Hey... Um should I get her some water or something?" Then she looked closely.

"What the hell is that on her back?" she pointed to the wings

Artemis said nothing and Missy's tone grew even more panicked.

"Are-are her ears _pointed!_?"

She leaned down and then cursed loudly.

"Bloody hell! Arty!! What the crap?!"

"I told you, fairy" Artemis in his most superior tone delivered. "Well elf really..."

Missy's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a few seconds as she stared from Artemis to the unconscious elf.

"Jaysus..." and then suddenly she kneeled over to her side in a dead faint.

Artemis gazed nonplussed at the two females lying on his bedroom floor.

A normal teenage boy might have been slightly more thrilled. Artemis merely contemplated his new project. "A Study in to the vastly irrational and often times unbalanced psyche of females."

* * *

**Lilly: Temperence and Seeley?! What the hec?! Temperence Brennan and Seeley Booth?!**

**Laurry: she just found out the names of the main characters in Bones... =.=' So how did ye like the chapter?**

**Lilly: TEMPERANCE AND SEELEY!?!?! WHAT THE HELL!!**

**Laurry: Calm down woman!!**

**Lilly: Rite sorry...**

**Laurry: Well that it folks....I know we were supposed to update last week but the chapter just kinda grew...**

**Lilly: (giggle) Plus I couldn't stop reading GaaraXSakura fics....**

**Laurry: Well that's it till the 16****th**** of June...when we get off from our exams... (Yells at a cowering Lilly to go and study)**

**Lilly: T-T B-but I wanted to thank our wonderful reviewers....**

**Laurry: (sigh)**

**Lilly: A BIG Thankyou to you all! And wish me luck in my exams...**

**Laurry: Which are crucial to the rest of our lives...**

**Lilly: (meep)OMH! I just injured the tendons in my right hand from using the typing facilities in my phone too much!! OWWIE!! It's hurts!**

**Laurry: God! What am I going to do with you!? Don't forget to review! And give some HARD CORE CRITIQUE!!**

**Lilly: I loves yous all!! Hai! Hai! ^-^**


	9. Chapter 8: The Leetle Sitch

_Yes, go on. Talk as if I wasn't there, I'm only knocked out, potentially comatose... Flirt even, see if I care!! Hey wait! Stop manhandling meee! I'm fragile!!_

**Chapter 8: That Leetle Sitch**

**Fowl Manor, Bedroom, Artemis Fowl II**

Holly came to groggily. Her head buzzed and her knees stung from where she had fallen on them before falling face flat on the ground. But of course she didn't realise that.

She groaned and rolled over, the remnants of a dream chasing themselves around her. It had been the strangest dream too, there had been_ two_ Artemises.

Bah! As if she should be dreaming about Fowl. The boy was enough trouble as it was in life, never mind dreaming up his shenanigans.

Holly opened her eyes and blinked as the bright light of the afternoon sun dilated her pupils.

What?

She was aboveground?

She had been unconscious, aboveground!?

Spurred into action by that thought she rolled over with military precision onto all fours. She crouched looking around herself warily and noted not without some confusion that she was on a thick Tunisian rug. And that was when she noticed Artemis, lying flat on his back, mere centimetres away.

She looked around and found herself in his bedroom.

Again. What!?

"D'Arvit." She cursed propelling herself to her feet.

No really, what?

She leaned over Artemis cautiously to get a better view and then swore again, much more loudly and sprang away from the teen's body. Warily she approached the form again, nudging **It** with her feet and simultaneously pulling out her neutrino.

Looking down again more closely at **It** she noted that this clearly wasn't Artemis, however eerily it might resemble him. Wait... The **It **was a girl. A girl with a freakishly similar face to Artemis Fowl.

Holly sucked in a huge breathe not sure whether to scream or swear.

"Please don't shout however much I want you to Mother would be terribly upset if you did." A voice said from behind her making her jump.

Whipping around she saw Artemis standing in the doorway, the real Artemis this time, looking for all the world quite sheepish. A glass of water held in one hand. Pointing her gun at the girl on the floor Holly growled "Talk mudboy."

"It's nice to see you too Holly."

"You're stalling..." She raised a definitive auburn eyebrow in response as he silently offered her the glass of water. Downing the glass in one go the elf fixed Artemis with a glare. "Now... What exactly is going on?"

"Are you sure you don't want to sit down... you did just faint after all..." Though his voice was perfectly polite with no hint of wit, Holly couldn't help but notice how he turned his face away. Was that a smirk?

"Artemis! Just get to the point!" She growled out, glaring daggers and folding her arms. She wasn't angry she told herself but the truth was that... yeah... She kinda was. Actually she was majorly pissed off! It wasn't every day that Holly _fainted_. Her brief stint of unconsciousness was causing her no end of embarrassment but she'd die before she admitted it to the mudboy.

Inwardly huffing she continued to glare at the boy as if he was some form of offensive life form. Which he kinda was. Hmm...

Artemis sighed. "The point is that, this irksome creature that we are looking at is indeed Artemis Fowl. Though loath I am to say it..." His shoulders seemed to slump.

Holly stared at the girl on the ground, then up at Artemis, then back to the girl. She blinked and turned her head to the side.

Finally she asked "Did you clone yourself?" Then she looked down again and stated rather hopelessly "But it's a girl." Already the reasons for coming up to the surface to give-Artemis-a-piece-of-her-mind were fading away in to the nothingness of short term memory.

"No I didn't not clone myself Holly, the world isn't ready for that." Artemis said sitting down at the edge of his bed facing her so that the girl lay on the girl between them.

"Two Artemises? It was never ready for _you._" Holly muttered. "So where did she come from? Who made her?"

"_I_ didn't have anything to do with her creation!" Artemis protested and then blushed and had to look away to compose himself.

Holly narrowed her eyes, now she was more than curious. What was Artemis talking about? Eyebrows knitting together she stared at the girl again and suppressed a gasp at how much she resembled Artemis, it was highly disconcerting.

"Who is she?" Holly asked again slowly.

"She is my sister." Artemis replied gravely finding the statement just as surreal as the first time yet a little truer than the last.

Holly gave him a sharp look. "I thought your parents had twins when we were in limbo not-" She looked at Missy again. "Besides she's... your age..." Holly mumbled off, face scrunched in confusion as her neutrino arm lowered.

Artemis took in a breath and hesitantly began. He would tell Holly this because she was- what? She was his best friend, his closest friend. And besides he had to get used to it. Missy seemed to have already. "She- She's my half sister. It turns out that my father wasn't exactly... faithful."

"Oh."

They were both quite for a while. And then Holly said it again.

"Oh. Arty I'm so sorr-"

"There's no need. It was a one-off affair. My father was...was a different man then. There were difficult circumstances and alcohol. We only learned of her existence mere days ago." It came out in a slight rush but Artemis seemed easier now that it was all out. Then he added almost as an after though "He mother died recently."

Everything was quite for a while as they both absorbed that complication. Mothers it seemed were a touchy subject.

The Artemis broke the silence again. "At any rate Mother seems to adore her." And then his tone shifted "Apparently she's being adopted in two days."

He seemed not particularly overjoyed at the prospect Holly noted. She looked around as they almost fell into silence again.

"Well I better get going... Wouldn't want her to-to see me now would we..." She tried to smile but ended up trying not to cringe. The head of steam Holly had built up on the way there seemed to have condensed and then frozen stiff. She couldn't remember what she'd have for breakfast that morning much less why she'd been so livid with the genius.

"She already saw you, Holly." Artemis pointed out dryly.

"I can use the Mesmer. I haven't a blanket mind wipe kit with me." Holly offered but stopped when Artemis frown.

"I'm afraid it's a little more complicated... you are not all she saw."

"You're kidding me right?" Holly raised an eye brow.

"She seems to have gained access to my files..." The raven haired boy was still frowning.

"You're seriously kidding me right Arty? Please tell me you suddenly developed a freak sense of humour? And please... whatever you do... for fronds sake don't tell me..." She motioned to Missy with her green boot "Don't you dare tell me she's a genius too..."

"Well I wouldn't say that..." Artemis said slowly whether from the fact that Holly called him Arty or from the fact that he actually didn't want to admit to his half-sister being a genius. But when Holly just gave him a disbelieving look he backpedalled and tried to change the subject.

"Why exactly did you come here?"

Holly scowled and was tempted to say "No reason" But that would prompt more questions. Questions that she just wasn't ready to answer either to him or to herself.

Instead she countered "What I'd like to know is what you were doing rolling around on the floor??" She smirked.

Artemis seemed to stiffen and then his shoulders relaxed and he crossed his arms, the hint of a pout visible. "You know I'm not a violent person Holly, in all honesty I didn't do a thing. She decided that she would steal my clothes."

"And you started to wrestle over _that_?" Holly though her eyebrows would never comeback down.

"I really didn't instigate the fight, she takes offence at the simplest things..." Artemis closed his eyes, feigning innocence.

Holly had an insane urge to laugh suddenly, it was so... different, so refreshing to see Artemis having such stupidly normal experiences, But before she could follow through with the thought or laugh for that matter, she was spared by the sudden beeping of her helmet.

She picked it up off the floor and Foaly's voice, on loud speaker asked "Holly? Are you there? My sensors tell me that you just fell unconscious? Holly?"

Grinding her teeth Holly spit out "Thanks for noticing..." The fainting episode was still a sore subject.

"Sorry Holly, I only just checked up on you, we seem to have a little bit of a situation here!"

Holly was all ears. "What?"

"You have orders to report back straight away, the E1 Ports been cleared, you're to bring Fowl with you."

"Why? Why bring him?" She wondered as Artemis raised an eyebrow and discreetly glanced at Missy.

"Orders Holly, I'll brief you in the shuttle."

Staring at Artemis Holly sighed "Alright I'll bring them both..."

There was silence for a total of two seconds before Foaly's whiny came through again "Excuse me? Both?"

"Yeah... Both Artemises are coming. Apparently we need to mind wipe one of them." Holly ground out half irate half exasperated.

Foaly was lost "What?" he said again stupidly, making Artemis snigger inwardly. Holly switched on the camera for her helmet and pointed to Missy on the floor and then to Artemis calmly sitting on his bed and staring back.

"_We_ seem to have a little situation here too Foaly. Do you see what I see?"

A moment later came the intrigued reply "Hm... Seeing is not believing..."

And then "My thermal scanners detect three people in that room. Who...Is that?"

"Artemis Fowl the second and a half it seems..." Artemis said wearily, speaking up for the first time. "And she'd in terrible need of a through mind wipe."

"Oh great! Just great!" Foaly moaned before quickly demanding "Right well get down here kids... we don't have all centaury." And then he terminated the link.

Putting her helmet down suddenly Holly blinked and pointed at Missy "Why?" She asked "Is she_ wearing_ your clothes?"

Artemis could have groaned instead he stood up and simply said "I suggest you ask _her_ when she wakes..."

Holly rolled her eyes but asked "Well then you better get her normal clothes or something... your clothes get pretty itchy after a while mudboy. I know I had to wear them remember?" and with that she crouched down beside Missy and pulled out a moon belt which she then tie around the girls waist.

Muttering about how 'The girl wanted to wear his itchy clothes in the first place...' Artemis dragged himself into his closet where he found a purple back pack on the floor, the green shirt Missy had been wearing earlier spilled out of it. Exasperated he picked it up and walked back out to see Holly grinning ear to ear, holding an end of the belt out to him.

"Strap up Arty... It's gonna be a bumpy ride..."

Suddenly Artemis felt a shiver run through him, all the way down to his toes. And it had nothing to do with the fact that he would soon be a lot higher above sea level than he was comfortable with or that he would be sharing the impromptu journey with One-twenty pounds of dead weight, his sister. No, Artemis shivered for a completely different reason.

_Arty._

"Well are you coming or not?" Holly asked cocking an eyebrow.

Loath though he was for his resolution to be tested so soon after having made it, Artemis shook himself and moved forward to take the length of belt from Holly. What a soap opera the young genius's life had become, what with long lost siblings, unfaithful husbands and angry women...

Artemis sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time and decide to just let the chips fall where they may.

For the time being of course.

He just needed to see all the pieces before he could do something about it.

**Lilly: Yes you have full permission to brutally slaughter me for making you wait so long for such a short crappy chapter.**

**Laurry: But remember that if you do that then she won't actually be able to finish the story.**

**Lilly: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm just a lazy ass author who's suffering from minor writers block!**

**Laurry: But it's the Summer Holidays now and that means ample time to type and plot and all those others things she does while writing these fics... **

**Lily: I have a tiny excuse however!! I've been on Holiday.. OH AND I've been working on some Naruto fics... yes sadly this fic may soon become my secondary project! But I PROMISE!! I will finish this story!! Believe it!!**

**Laurry: Yeah review...most gracious apologies for Lilly's total Narutard-ness...=.='**


	10. Teaser 1: RL Exploded but we backk naoo!

**Lilly: WHOOPS!! Sorry not a chapter! But NEVARR Fear!! **

**Laurry:Okay even though Lilly refuses to admit it, it's been a long time since we updated..A really long time...soo to renew your hopes and maybe get a few people reading this again so you're all, not confused when we DO update here is a little teaser for your enjoyment. **

**Lilly: We're hoping to have a chapter up to you by the end of May at the least and then it's regular updating from then on...**

**Laurry: Bit of a speed bump came up in RL so we were 'away' **

**Lilly: But nao we is backkk! And badder than eva!!! XD!**

**Laurry: So yeah here it goes....**

* * *

**Artemis Fowl the Second and a Half.**

**Teaser One.**

**Missy POV**

I was strapped to some soft seat and without opening my eyes I could tell I was vertical. The surface beneath me was vibrating, was I in a car? Or something moving?

Almost afraid I opened my eyes only to close them again.

OMIGOSH!! I was being abducted! By aliens!!

From what I'd seen of the transport I was in it had been all white and like nothing I'd ever seen before. I was in a space ship of some sort I just knew it! Damn it. I. Was. Being. ABDUCTED!!

Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

And worst of all... I had to pee...

* * *

**Normal POV**

"I don't like this." Holly said suddenly.

Artemis gave her one questioning look.

"This." She gestured with one hand "It was bad enough with you and Butler the first time I had to bring you here by fource. But she's just an innocent girl who-who-"

"She is irksome... and this needs to be taken care of." He said simply folding his arms.

"She's just a girl who has the misfortune to be associated with you!"Holly grit out. 'Gods, teenage boys!' she thought irritably "I mean you were unconscious but the crying..." she trailed off not knowing how to express her discomfort.

And though Artemis didn't deign to respond to her he too was disturbed with the turn of events. He'd expected anger with Missy's colourful personality but this helplessness was disconcerting. And perhaps he had overestimated her. She wasn't, like him used to situations with such high levels of stress. His newly acquired conscience was taking a severe beating and his mothers face kept popping up in his mind.

* * *

**Lilly: AAAAAAnd there you have it!!**

**Laurry: Be happeh crazzeh peoples....we are not dead.**

**Lilly:um...yeah nao we gotta go and like wash the dishes soo baiiiiiiiiiiii! XD**


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